


5 Times Jonas Forgot Homophobia Was A Thing

by AnotherAoife



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: And slot of other chapters too!, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, boys being soft, duh - Freeform, hit me with that gay shit, in chp 3, like the f slur, please leave comments i need to be validated, this isnt fetishisation im gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherAoife/pseuds/AnotherAoife
Summary: And 1 Time Isak Did"Jonas had liked to think he really knew Isak. He was comfortable in the fact that there was next to nothing Isak could tell him that would be surprising. Then Isak dropped the bombshell that he was gay and in love with someone."Aka Jonas and his adventures in trying to make sure Isak got to see the same kind of world he did when it came to relationships.





	1. Why Don't You Hold Hands?

 

**1\. Why Don't You Hold Hands?**

 

Jonas liked to think he knew Isak fairly well. They had been friends since age 4. They met at the playschool that was nearly exactly in between their houses. Isak got playdough stuck in Jonas’ hair and Jonas cried. Isak panicked and tried the only thing he could of to fix it. Weirdly enough, the teachers didn’t think hacking off a chunk of Jonas’ hair in the dark hiding spot of the playhouse at the back of the classroom was the obvious solution. 

 

Jonas knew Isak’s favourite colour and favourite type of ant, from his obsession at age 11. He knew his middle name and the  _ real  _ reason he broke his hand at age 13. The reason that Isak made him swear not to tell anyone. He was the one Isak had come to crying the time he hadn’t eaten for two and a half days because there was no food in the house and no money for food and no adult there able to earn money for them. Jonas knew Isak but he didn’t know Isak’s family. He knew there was a dad who considered the family a mistake and that Isak’s mother was an untreated schizophrenic. He knew Isak was a lot more scared than he let people see.

 

He had liked to think he really knew Isak. He was comfortable in the fact that there was next to nothing Isak could tell him that would be surprising. Then Isak dropped the bombshell that he was gay and in love with someone.

 

Jonas acted like it didn’t phase him but his inner monologue was just continuous panicked shrieking. He had always thought of himself as ‘pro-gay’ but what did that even  _ mean _ ? So he wasn’t a homophobic asshole? Ally of the year! He thought he  _ knew  _ Isak inside and out but apparently only this Even would get to really know him  _ inside and out _ . Every single gay joke anyone had ever made in Isak’s presence suddenly rushed through Jonas’ mind like a slideshow of fuck ups. Were jokes like that allowed anymore? Should they have ever been allowed?

 

Jonas hadn’t said anything that could be taken as even slightly homophobic since then. He tried, in his own small ways, to show Isak that it was totally fine with him and the guys. He asked how Even was doing and he gave him texting advice as if it was just another girl. He even took Magnus aside after the class Isak came out in to tell him he didn’t think it was smart to be using  _ that _ word. It still took Evak a long time to start being affectionate around them and even then it was very rare. It hurt Jonas, to know Isak wasn’t completely comfortable around them, but he understood why. He didn’t know how to undo years of quiet prejudice.

 

Isak knew they weren’t homophobic but there was a big difference between them being okay with him and Even in theory and them seeing it in action.

 

They never really talked about it until one Thursday afternoon. They were in the park, a week before their third year started. Even was at his job as a barista until six and all the boys felt like time was slipping through their fingers. There were only so many slow, sunny August afternoons they could fit in before school’s oppressive regime started up again. They had played an intense game of two on two soccer which had eventually ended as a draw, the score being nil - nil. 

 

They were lying down, sweat drenched under a tree and panting. Magnus had taken his shirt off and wiggled his eyebrows at Isak. Isak had laughed and seemed fine with the joke but Jonas didn’t  _ know _ if it was okay. Mahdi was the only one sitting up, scrolling through his instagram feed and shoving dead memes too close to their faces every few minutes. 

 

Their half hearted conversation had dissolved into Magnus blabbering about Vilde’s fantastic music taste. No one was bothered enough to tell him to stop. Eventually even his romantic ramblings just turned into him describing how he and Vilde were basically fucking in public on Monday. That bothered the boys enough to get him to stop.

 

“Dude, what the fuck? We don’t want to hear about how you dry humped on the bench!” laughed Jonas fake disgusted. Isak just stayed on his back, smiling.

 

“Why can’t you be more like Isak. Isak keeps that shit to himself.” Mahdi groaned, but even he was smiling.

 

Isak laughed. Magnus looked like he was thinking. Magnus thinking was never a good thing for anyone. He was smarter than they gave him credit for.

 

“I don’t know how he does it. You and Even barely even hold hands,” Magnus sighed. The thing about Magnus was he would just say those things, pretending to be totally innocent. He knew that it would start something and he could still say it. None of them wanted to admit it -ever- but Magnus was one of the most emotionally intelligent people out there. He knew it was bad to keep things bottled up inside. He had been to plenty therapy sessions with his mother.

 

“Yeah Isak, why don’t you hold hands?” Jonas sat up, slightly alarmed. He never noticed but now that he thought about it he couldn’t remember a single time Isak and Even had held hands outside their apartment. It was his job as a friend to notice these things and he wasn’t an idiot. He had a suspicion as to why Isak and Even, two guys, weren’t the most affectionate in public.

 

It didn't make sense to him though. Nothing would  _ actually  _ happen. It was like being scared of getting crushed by an anvil. It was a legitimate fear in some places, namely an anvil factory, but not in everyday life. Isak’s answer floated up from the grass he was still lying down on. They lived in the capital city of Norway, one of the most liberal places on earth.

 

“Just not worth the trouble I guess,” he sighed absentmindedly. Jonas still just didn’t understand. What ‘trouble’  could they possibly get into? He asked and his question was met with a  _ look _ from Isak.

 

“Dude? Are you serious?” he smiled up at them doubtfully. He lived with his fears every day. They were such a normal part of his life he didn’t even think about them anymore. It seemed impossible to him that someone had the energy left to be mad. None of the other boys smiled back, or understood.

 

“What? It’s like being scared of ghosts! Nothing is  _ really  _ going to happen,” Jonas was becoming less and less sure of himself. All the boys were silent until Magnus seemed to get it. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

 

“Did something happen?” The question sent Jonas spinning into defensive mode. Had someone tried to hurt his best friend? Jonas was spiralling until Isak shook his head.

 

“Nothing that bad guys, just bitchy stares and comments on Instagram and Twitter and stupid shit like that. It’s not a big deal,” Jonas could tell Isak wanted them to drop it but was too polite to tell them. 

 

“Oh and I got spat at a few times and there was one guy who started yelling some homophobic shit across the street at us when we were making out once but that’s it, I swear.” Isak seemed all too calm for what they were talking about. He was still on the grass, soaking in the last sun they’d be getting for a while.

 

All the boys wore matching looks of shock that Isak couldn’t see through his eyelids. They all knew being gay wasn’t the easiest but nothing bad had ever happened to Isak when they were around. They knew it was a possibility but it had always been an abstract.

 

“What the fuck Isak?” cried Magnus. Isak cracked his eyes open and smiled.

 

“It’s fine, I’m used to it,” he laughed. Jonas though he might get sick. His lungs had all the air sucked out if them and his brain was screaming at him that he was an absolutely disgusting friend and he didn’t understand why Isak was fucking  _ laughing. _

  
  


It was a few weeks later and they had all pretended to move on when it came up again. It was late at night and they were all crashing at Evak’s place after a shitty party got busted. Even and Isak were in their bed and all the boys were squashed into the tiny sitting room. They were a bit (Read: more than a bit) drunk and a bit (Read: very very fucking) tired but Jonas was determined to stay awake. The conversation drifted to Evak and the day in the park.

 

“Do you think Isak is scared?” whispered Jonas. It was like he was 13 and at a sleepover again.

 

“Absolutely,” mumbled Magnus against his pillow. That was all the confirmation Jonas needed. He swore to make absolutely sure that Isak could have a normal relationship from then on. Jonas would just have to eradicate all homophobia on earth. He swore he would do it to Mahdi and Mahdi’s snapchat story before passing out in his bed.

 

Isak didn’t see the story until Even was shoving it in his face at  _ too fucking early  _ o'clock the next morning and laughing. He didn’t mention it at breakfast and, no matter want that traitorous bastard Even says, he wasn’t thinking about it for days afterwards. And he did  _ not  _ screen record it to rewatch on bad days. 

 

Isak being gay was confusing sometimes and it was uncharted territory. Jonas knew Isak and Even wouldn’t be safe everywhere, but god dammit if they didn’t at least feel safe around their friends.


	2. Why Didn't You Tell Her?

**2\. Why Didn't You Tell Her**  


  


Once school started things became frantic again. Normally, Isak and the guys hung out at Jonas’ house but they weren't coming around as much, with all the stress of the new school year. It happened at the beginning of every year, everyone was trying to get their schedules back on track without falling asleep on their desks. Isak was usually the worst of them, with his insomnia and everything. Jonas’ family was always asking after Jonas’ friends, Isak especially. 

  


Eventually Jonas’ mother got worried about whether or not Isak was eating enough vegetables now that he’d moved in with someone and told Jonas to invite Isak over for dinner. Isak used to come over all the time, even if it was just to escape the suffocation of his own home.

  


Jonas’ mother had known him just as long as Jonas but she hadn’t seen him in months. She still saw him as the little boy who didn’t understand why his father was angry and didn’t know how to make his mother love him like she did last week.

  


Isak beamed when Jonas invited him over. He was always so  _ surprised  _ when people wanted him around and it made Jonas’ heart ache. 

  


He came over on a Friday evening. Jonas’ mother had them all clean the house before Isak arrived, despite Jonas’ protests. Why did she think Isak cared how much dust was on the mantelpiece or if the pictures with Isak blending in at family gatherings were at a perfect angle.

  


When Isak arrived Jonas’ place it was like everyone lit up. The Vasquez family absolutely adored Isak. He was polite and funny and, in their minds, a good influence on Jonas. He took off his coat, revealing his grey button down, and hung it up the second he got in. He offered to take of his boots, as usual. The second he saw Mrs. Vasquez chopping carrots in the kitchen he strolled towards her. 

  


“Here, let me help you Mrs. Varques,” he flashed his most winning smile and picked up a carrot. Elise just laughed.

  


“You can call me Elise, love,” she grinned, eyes on her hands, watching to make sure she didn’t nick herself with the knife. Jonas sulked in and started begrudgingly chopping next to them. Everytime Isak came over the bar for behaviour went up for a few days. If only his mother knew what Isak was like when they weren’t around people he so desperately wanted to impress.

  


It made Jonas sad to think about but Isak was still trying to make sure they liked him. Jonas didn’t like to think about the reasons why but he did know them. After being starved for attention as long as Isak had been, this house was his sanctuary. People here asked about him and were always trying to make sure he was comfortable. Jonas was comforted by the thought of Even, who did all those thing and more for Isak. Isak deserved him.

  


Once everything was boiling away and the lamb was in the cooker Isak and Jonas headed upstairs to Jonas’ room. Isak had been in there too many times to count. He knew the bedroom inside and out. He could tell Jonas what was in any drawer before even opening it. Jonas never reorganised his room so the trick always worked. Jonas collapsed onto his bed the second the door shut behind him.

  


“Come on Isak, man. Stop being so-” Jonas gestured in Isak’s general direction.

  


“You just gestured to all of me,” Isak grinned.

  


“You know what I mean, so well behaved. She expects that from me when you’re gone you know!” Jonas cried indignantly. Isak just laughed. “You stroll in here with your  _ manners  _ and  _ button down.  _ You set the bar too high,” Jonas continued.

  


“I just want them to like me,” Isak mumbled. It made Jonas’ heart ache. 

  


“Isak, they already like you. You know they like you.” Jonas wanted to make sure Isak really understood that but his father called them down before he could reiterate it. Isak nodded at him.  

  


“I know. Now come on.” He helped heave Jonas off the bed and thundered downstairs like he was a kid again.

  


Jonas’ father, Finn, was sitting at the head of the table laughing at something Elise had said. They looked happy, like they always did. Isak felt a pang of jealousy deep in his heart that he immediately tried to squash. He had always longed for parents like that, but he had something even better. He had a relationship like that for himself.

  


Isak took his usual seat, the worst one, and was met with the usual protests. Good humoured yells of “You’re our guest” and “Jonas move to give Isak your seat” ricocheted against the walls but Isak stayed seated, just like he always did. Thea ran downstairs and sat gently next to Isak, who smiled modestly at her. Elise and Finn exchanged a _ look _ .

  


Conversation flowed naturally for a while. They talked about Isak’s grades and how Jonas and Eva’s relationship was going. Food was passed around the table with smiles and thank yous. Then something strange happened.

  


“What were you and Isak doing upstairs,” asked Elise causally but Jonas knew his mother. He could practically see the cogs turning in her head. 

  


“Nothing. Why?” Jonas replied sceptically. Elise and Finn exchanged another  _ look _ .

  


“No reason. We were just wondering if Isak had been into Thea’s room,” smiled Elise, sickly sweet. It was no secret that Thea used to have a sizable crush on Isak when he was ten and she was eight. Isak choked on his drink of water and started vigorously shaking his head. Jonas couldn’t contain his laughter. He nearly started outright wheezing in his chair.

  


“No, nope, no. No I was not Mr. and Mrs. Vasquez. I swear. Oh my god. No. Nope. No I really and truly was not. Oh my god.” Isak’s panicked ramblings made Jonas laugh even harder and Thea, who was dating a boy in her year without her parents knowledge, joined him, giggled at Isak’s expression. 

  


“What? It’s not that outrageous!” cried Finn. Him and Elise looked so confused it made Jonas laugh even harder. Isak’s burning red face made Jonas feel bad for him.

  


“Firstly, ew,” started Thea. 

  


“Hey!” interjected Isak. It was easy to tell he regretted interrupting the second he did. He nodded for her to continue.

  


“Secondly, Isak is in a committed relationship. Who did you think he was living with?” grinned Thea. Thea knew lots about Even. She and Jonas were close, he confided in her about all aspects of his social life. She didn’t know half the people he talked about so there was no reason for her to spread it as gossip. Finn and Elise looked shell shocked.

  


“You’re dating? What’s her name? Has she met your parents? Has she met your mother? What does she look like?” Jonas cringed at all the she/her pronouns. He could see Isak recoil. He looked scared.

  


“Um, no. No. She hasn’t met them,” Isak looked like pretending Even was a girl made him physically sick. Jonas didn’t know why he wasn’t just telling the truth and he didn’t know how to get out of the situation.

  


“Isak needs to go to the bathroom,” Jonas stated abruptly. No one ever said he was the master of subtlety. His chair scraped across the ground as he shot up and dragged Isak to the bathroom by his sleeve.

  


Jonas and Isak barely fit into the space of the tiny bathroom. Jonas’ hand brushed off Isak’s thigh.

  


“Woah dude, I have a boyfriend,” Isak joked nervously.

  


“Yes Isak. I know that! Why don’t they?” Jonas whisper-shouted while he aggressively pointed towards the kitchen. Isak seemed to shrink into himself. Jonas softened his voice.

  


“They’ll be fine with it Isak,” he whispered. Isak looked up at him fiercely.

  


“Jonas,” Isak sounded like a wounded animal. “I don’t want this to be ruined. I don’t want to stop being Isak and start being ‘Jonas’ gay friend’. I don’t want them to stop letting me hang out in your bedroom. Everyone says they’re okay with gay people until there’s one in their  _ house _ .” Jonas felt like crying. He shouldered open the door and nodded at Isak.

  


“ _I know_ they’ll be proud of anything you do Isak.” They came back to the kitchen, met with questioning stares. 

  


Jonas sat back down at the table across from Isak and pulled out his phone under the table. He went to Even’s contact and sent him their location.

  


_ Jonas: Come over  _

_ Jonas: be fast _

  


With his phone locked, Jonas tuned back to the conversation. It had strayed to Thea’s violin playing. Isak was trying to get her to play a tune for everyone. He was putting up his charming facade but Jonas could sense how on edge he was.

  


Jonas tried not to be a dick about the whole ‘Coming Out’ thing but he had never been the best at bringing things up casually. He also hadn’t done any research on what  _ not _ to do to your gay friends. So he, being the unsubtle and uneducated fool he was, steered the conversation towards LGBT rights. He could see Isak squirming before his dad even started talking.

  


“I think some of the gays are fine, but I‘m happy none of you are gay. It wouldn’t be an easy life to live.” Elise nodded in agreement.

  


“Yes, and some of them really do  _ flaunt  _ it don’t they. Most are fine but there are some bad eggs,” Elise continued. Thea jumped into the discussion with the grace of small hippopotamus. 

  


“I think the gays are super cute! DIdn’t any of you watch ‘Love, Simon’? They’re adorable! I love gays,” raved Thea. Isak looked more uncomfortable at Thea’s words than at Finn and Elise’s.

  


“What do you two think? What are the young men of tomorrow saying about gays?” Elise looked like she was starting to get interested. Jonas took a moment to think about his answer but Isak had already started talking. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion.

  


“Actually,  _ I _ think they’re disgusting. Against god, you know? I don’t want to hear about their butt sex. Absolutely disgraceful and unnatural.” Everyone was stunned into silence for a moment. No one really knew what to say to that.

  


Then the doorbell rang. Jonas stood up, his footsteps seemed to be deafening in the quiet. He could hear Isak start up again about how much he hated gay people. Jonas opened the front door and led Even to the dining room. 

  


Jonas whispered a quick synopsis of the trainwreck that was the conversation in the dining room to Even in the doorway. Even, like a fucking madman, just grinned and hurried past him through the hall and into the dining room.

  


“- and I mean I totally don’t get why we don’t have a straight pride parade.” Isak looked up and saw Even. He faltered for a moment, wondering why the fuck his amazingly handsome boyfriend was in his best friend's house, before continuing with ven more gusto. Even grinned at him. All the Vasquez family looked like they wanted to explain to Isak why he was wrong.

  


“Oh, are we talking about those disgusting queers?” Even strolled over to Isak and pulled up a chair.  Jonas was straight and he would swear it before the gods but  _ goddamn that motherfucker was suave. _

  


“Hi, I’m Even. Isak’s boyfriend.” He leaned over and kissed Isak hello.

  


“Where was I? Oh yes, I honestly think they’re disgusting. I’m sure my boyfriend Even here would agree with me.” Even grinned and grabbed Isak’s hand on top of the table. Elise  looked shell shocked. 

  


She sent everyone except Finn upstairs. Even was about to protest because 1. He didn’t live here and 2. He was legally an adult but one look from Isak told him that arguing wasn’t the best strategy when dealing with an angry Elise.

  


Everyone scurried upstairs like mice. Jonas’ door slammed behind Isak, Even and Jonas. The second it closed Jonas collapsed against his door, absolutely losing his shit.

  


“I’m sure my boyfriend would agree with me,” he wheezed. Isak thought he might be crying with laughter.

  


It was another ten minutes before they were called back down. Jonas had sobered up and Thea was told to stay in her room. Finn and Elise were sitting at the table. Isak didn’t know where his half minute of intoxicating bravery ha come from but it was certainly gone now. His hands were shaking so hard Even had to hold them in his, like a twisted act of defiance against what could be unfolding in front of them.

  


Even and Isak walked in behind Jonas, still holding hands. Isak’s face looked grim. Jonas could tell he was terrified but trying to look brave. So could Elise. Before they were even fully through the door she stood up and had her arms around Isak in seconds. Jonas could swear she was crying.

  


“I’m sorry,” she whispered fiercely. Jonas looked over at Finn. He was sat with his hands clasped on top of the table. Jonas didn’t know how Finn would react, he was the political wildcard of the family. Isak hugged Elise back, just as hard, smiling. Even stood awkwardly next to Jonas. Once Elise released Isak from her death grip, Finn walked over and patted Isak on the back. Then, toxic masculinity be damned, he wrapped his arms around Isak.

  


“Nothing has changed,” he said in his deep, macho voice. Thea ran in from the door they all knew she had been listening behind and launched herself into another hug.

  


“Wait, so did you and Jonas date?” she grinned. Jonas started sputtering denials and defending his heterosexuality.

  


“What’s so wrong with being gay Jonas?” smirked Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr: AnotherAoife.tumblr.com  
> please comment it literally makes my heart go :D!!
> 
> the pope came to ireland today. i didn't have v strong opinions on it until the "world meeting of families" comletely excluded lgbtq families. dickheads.


	3. Why Are They Saying That Word?

**3\. Why Are They Saying That Word?**

 

After the emotionally draining Vasquez and Co. dinner, Even and Isak told Jonas they just needed some time alone to relax. And by relax, they meant a weekend without their friends that they would 100% use to fuck, repeatedly, as Magnus so kindly pointed out in their group chat.

 

Even and Isak did do _that_ but they also did other things that made Isak weak in the knees. They had a competition to see who could make a better fried egg and were judges for each other. Isak’s egg tasted like gravel according to Even and Even’s egg had the texture of a mushroom picked off the side of a tree somewhere in Ibiza according to Isak.

 

They watched ‘Magic For Humans’ on Netflix and tried to do up close magic tricks for each other. They sat on the couch with their legs knotted together and tagged each other in third tier memes on Instagram until they got pins and needles in their legs.

 

They were just _in_ love, basking in it. They had the kind of love that doesn’t need to be broadcasted or examined. The kind that just surrounded them. They were radiating love to one another and heating up the entire flat with it.

 

Even’s eyes were glued to his laptop screen, which was playing vines. Isak was running his hand through Even’s hair when his phone buzzed with an incoming message.

 

 **_Sana:_ ** _come over tomorrow i need help with some bullshit_

 **_Isak:_ ** _what bullshit? XD_

 **_Sana:_ ** _school bullshit you fuckin nerd who even types xd anymore???_

 

Isak smiled at the screen. Sana’s sarcasm always shone through in her texts. He pressed the call button. She picked up after two rings and sighed dramatically.

 

“Yes, Isak,” she sighed. Isak could tell she was smiling.

 

“Hi! So tomorrow doesn’t work for me, the guys are coming over. They’re very needy,” Isak laughed. Lots of people were scared of Sana but he saw past her walls of anger. He would’ve been like that too, if he hadn’t met Even.

 

Sana was becoming a lot softer now that she had Yousef. He understood why she hid under the mountains of dark lipstick and sarcastic retorts though. It was a lot easier to say ‘Fuck you’ to the world than to have the world say ‘Fuck you’ first.

 

“Just bring them with you. Elias is having all his people over. I’m sure they’d love for Even to be there. And all your winged monkeys. Everyone is always welcome in our house.” Sana’s tone softened and Isak could tell she meant it. Sana and all of her family were some of the most hospitable people Isak had ever met.

 

“You sure?” Isak only asked to give her an out, just in case she had realised how boisterous his friends could be. Sana just said ‘Duh’ and hung up the phone. Isak sent the new plan to the group chat and pulled Even into his chest.

 

“You heard all that, right?” Even hummed in response. “And you’re okay to meet the Balloon Squad?” Even turned around and nodded.

 

“They already invited me, love.”

  


It wasn’t until Even and the entire Boy Squad were on Sana’s front doorstep that Isak realised it might not have been his best idea. Isak and Even’s friends hadn’t met often, only three times before. And one of those times ended with Isak in A&E. It was too late to go back though because the door had already opened to Mr. Bakkoush’s huge smile. They were ushered in and sent to the sitting room.

 

Isak hurried straight past the door to the sitting room and into Sana’s bedroom while the others went in. He didn’t want to deal with meeting Even’s friends just yet. Had it been this bad for Even when he met Isak’s friends?

 

“What did you need help with?” he smiled at Sana. She looked over at him and grinned.

 

“Nothing. I just wanted you to meet Even’s friends. They were really missing Even and I knew he wouldn’t come over without you.” Isak hadn’t given Sana enough credit. She really was an evil genius. But her deviousness didn’t help him make Even’s friends like him and his friends any more.

 

He and Sana crept into the sitting room, not noticed in all the commotion. Elias and his friends were vlogging and Mahdi was trying to prove he could do a cartwheel without causing any property damage. Isak spotted Even from across the room.

 

Even was laughing at something Mutta had said. It made Isak smile, seeing Even laugh with his friends. He didn’t see them enough. Isak vowed to himself that he would try his best to befriend the ‘Balloon Squad’.

 

He walked over to where Magnus was kicking Adam’s ass at FIFA and jumped onto the sofa next to Mikael with no grace.

  


“Hei,” he grinned. Mikael smiled back and shook his hand.

 

“Hei.”

 

The ten boys clicked fairly well. Isak got to see a new side of Even. He was louder here. It was going well. Even’s friends took the piss out of Isak and Even just as much as Isak’s friends did. There were a couple minutes where everyone just roasted them for how much they talked about each other when they weren’t together. And the Balloon Squad got it all on video for their vlog.

 

Eventually things calmed down. Jonas was sat on the ground playing slaps with Isak while Magnus and Adam watched as ‘impartial’ judges. They were having too much fun just siding against Jonas everytime and watching Jonas get increasingly outraged. Isak had started to just obviously break rules to get under Jonas’ skin.

 

Elias and Even were on the bigger sofa editing yesterday’s vlog and complaining about how much editing fucking _sucked_. It was easy to make something, it was a lot harder to make it better. Mutta and Mikael were lying on the ground with Mahdi bickering about what to watch on Netflix. Yousef and Sana were in the corner making heart eyes at each other. Eventually Mikael pressured Mahdi into choosing a programme. He chose ‘Dark Tourist’ while muttering about how he should’ve been given more time.

 

The show started playing but they were only half listening until one line caught everyone’s ear.

 

“Worm, insect, cockroach, mortadella, gonorrhea, asshole, faggot, triple son of a bitch! I know all the insults!” laughed the ex-hitman on screen. Jonas didn’t register that he had said _that_ word for a few seconds. It made Jonas feel sick, not even angry just _sick_ to his stomach.

 

Everyone looked over to see if Isak and Even would do anything. The second he said _the word_ Isak jerked his head out of Even’s lap. He looked around and saw everyone staring at him. He blushed and moved on.

 

Jonas thought that their friends were more uncomfortable with them being placed in the same category as cockroaches than they were. Jonas moved on too, he didn’t want to bring it up if Isak didn’t want to talk about it right now.

 

That’s something he learned after The Dinner. Isak and him had a long talk and he learned that what he did was a dick move. He should’ve talked to Isak about when he would be ready to tell his parents before he outed him. It made him feel like an asshole.

 

Everyone went back to their conversations but Jonas kept an eye on Isak, who wasn’t touching Even anymore and was instead just sitting next to him.

 

Some time passed and Jonas came of his guard until another seen jerked him out of his conversation with Adam.

 

“Well, well, well! Look what I found here! This thing with a pair of eyes! What's up, faggot?” Jonas saw Isak bristle at the word. He froze.

 

“What are you doing on my mountain, faggot?” The scene was so slow and every time he said it he said it wth so much anger and _disgust_ behind his words. Yousef panicked and slammed the off button on the remote before it could get any worse. Everyone looked over at Even.

 

Jonas didn’t know what to do. Mahdi started stuttering apologies and ‘Holy shit I didn’t know he said that word’. Then the entire room exploded into apologises from everyone, directed at Even and Isak. They were meant to feel safe and comfortable here. The Balloon Squad were praying they wouldn’t take this as an indicator that they were homophobic, because they all knew one bad move got them all labelled as foreign bigots.

 

Even and Isak seemed to be shrinking. Isak had Even’s hand again and seemed to be gasping for words.

 

“No, no it’s… it’s fine. It’s fine,” Even said. His voice was shaky. It wasn’t fine.

 

“You guys didn’t know, you couldn’t have known,” continued Isak. Both boys looked uncomfortable. Jonas noticed Isak pull his hand away from Even’s. He had no idea what to do, no one did. Jonas wanted to help Isak. He caught his eye.

 

“Isak, why are they saying that word?” Jonas asked quietly. Isak looked back at him. Everyone calmed down slightly from their hysteria to listen to Isak’s soft spoken answer.

 

“Because he’s a fucking asshole, I think.” Isak showed a small smile. “Don’t be fucking assholes guys.” Even laughed and took Isak’s hand again, nodding to back him up. Elias looked like he was thinking,

 

“Even, dude, I’m sorry. Sorry for, like, all the stupid shit I used to say when we were younger. You know, about gay people and everything.” Elias looked so embarrassed everyone else started to think about what they used to say when they were young and fucking stupid. Echoes of ‘Me too’ and ‘I was an idiot’ were repeated around the room.

 

“I know you’re just jealous of my ridiculously attractive boyfriend,” Even grinned. Elias punched him on the arm.

 

“Fuck off! I’m not _gay_ \- I mean not like there's anything _wrong_ with that, you know what I-” Even just laughed.

 

“I don’t want you guys to have to run everything you want to say through your heads before you say it. If something bothers me, I’ll _tell you”_

  
Jonas nodded and thought about how _vile_ that word was and how fucking unfair it was that someone could say that word and have so much _power_ behind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooof when comments notifications come up it just makes my day. i don't reply to many of theem because im trying to get chapters out for you instead buut i read every single one of t h e m
> 
> idk if they're below but i'll throw in my links anyway yeet
> 
> My Tumblr: AnotherAoife.tumblr.com my followers are mostly porn blogs and i just reblog wholesome memes  
> My Instagram: @AnotherAoife i have one picture and its of me lol i h8 myself


	4. Why Didn't You Tell Us Earlier?

**4\. Why Didn't You Tell Us Earlier?**

 

Even and Isak were in the middle of some very _adult_ activities when Isak’s comic ringtone very rudely interrupted. Isak was too invested in Even’s fucking _amazing_ abs to pick up so they just let it ring out and Isak got back to kissing down Even’s chest Then it started up again. Isak groaned out loud but Even muffled his complaints with a kiss.

 

“Just ignore it,” he panted. How was Isak meant to deny that request? The phone rang out again just before Isak was going to throw it against the wall. Isak really started to get _down_ to business now that all the distractions were gone. Then that fucking phone rang again. Isak reached over and slammed the answer button without even looking at the caller ID.

 

“What?” he barked into the phone. Jonas was taken aback by the harsh opening.

 

“Chill dude, we’re down at the quarry if you and Even want to come.” Isak looked up at Even from where he was kneeling on the floor.

 

“When?” he answered shortly.

 

“Half an hour.”

 

“Half an hour?” mouthed Even.

 

“We’ll be there,” Isak grinning, fumbling for the end call button, as he  started doing some _interesting_ things to Even with his mouth.

 

“Okay. Wait what are you doing?” Isak could nearly hear the realisation in his voice “Wait ew-” Isak slammed on his phone to end the call.

 

Twenty minutes later Isak and Even opened their door to Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus with two sets of wet hair from a shared shower. After a fair share of good hearted teasing they got into Mahdi’s old and borrowed car.

 

The Quarry was a safe haven for the Boy Squad and anyone they trusted enough to invite there. It was a small section of a river at the bottom of a steep hill that had been abandoned after a series of drownings. They tried not to think about that while they were swimming, which wasn’t that hard when you’re a teenager. Everyone knows teenagers live forever.

 

The Quarry wasn’t like a normal spot, it had the atmosphere that made them all feel immortal. The water was always warm and the river was always moving along lazily, like it was sweeping away all their problems.

When they got to the quarry the boy squad started to take off their shirts except Even and Isak.

 

“Oh, shit, I can change somewhere else,” started Even but Isak brushed his arm and shook his head before anyone started to pay him any attention. Jonas didn’t think he was meant to see the small moment of intimacy and he didn’t understand why Even would think they didn’t want him to see them change.

 

Isak tugged his shirt off his torso to reveal a set of small bruises along his collarbone and sides, leading up to his neck.

 

“Holy shit Isak, what happened?” called out a concerned Magnus. Even and Isak both started blushing.

 

“Oh you dirty dogs!” laughed Mahdi. “That’s a fuck ton of hickeys, even for you two.”

 

It wasn’t until everyone was splashing around in the water that he realised, and it just made him sad to think about. Even thought they would see him as a predator.

 

Jonas tried, he really really did, to try and make sure Even and Isak knew they didn’t have to filter themselves around him, but sometimes no matter how much effort you put in, when people are scared there’s nothing you can do except support them. And that’s what Jonas tried his best to do. He made sure to let Isak know he supported his relationship.

 

Jonas doubted himself a lot. None of the others had any trouble accepting Isak, they had all basically forgotten that there was a time they didn’t know about Isak being gay. But Jonas thought about it all the time. He had shared most of his life with a straight Isak.

 

They had spent sleepovers talking about girls and hookups. It had never even occurred to Jonas that Isak wasn’t being honest. It made Jonas feel so fucking _guilty_. Maybe it was just the guilt of knowing that Isak had all those years to tell him and he never did, he didn’t feel like he could.

 

No matter what Jonas thought, he knew what the _friendly_ thing to do was when you saw your best friend laughing into his boyfriend’s shoulder with his legs wrapped around his waist in a shaded corner. The _friendly_ thing, the only thing really, was to sneak up on them underwater and pull them both down under.

 

Isak disagreed but he couldn’t quite put it eloquently with all the water up his nose so instead he tried to express himself by trying to wrestle Jonas underwater while Even laughed uncontrollably.

 

Time seemed to slow down after a while. The midgets came out of the trees and the wind got warmer. Magnus said if they were quiet enough they could hear the faeries in the trees. Isak said that was bullshit.

 

Isak and Even went back to their bubble in the water for a few minutes while Jonas wrestled with Mahdi. Magnus had hoisted himself out a while ago and was on his phone. Things had become lazy. So when Vilde and the Girl Squad came bursting in it was very noticeable.

 

They crashed through the trees in an explosion of laughter and shrill screams. Even and Isak jumped apart the second they heard it. Jonas thought he knew why they did that. The girls brought bottles of cheap wine and energy.

 

They jumped into the water in bikinis, screaming for a shocked Isak to catch them. The only one that was caught was Noora and that was only because Even was quite a fast swimmer.

 

It took time for the energy to go down again but it did. Eventually everyone was just lying on the grass talking. Jonas felt like it was a good time to bring up some questions but before he could even start on the subtle script he had made up for himself Chris jumped straight into the root of it all.

 

“Isak, why didn’t you tell us all you liked dick sooner?” Even looked over at Isak’s face and burst out laughing.

 

“Yeah babe, why didn’t you tell them?” he giggled. Isak just groaned.

 

“I don’t fucking know guys, I just didn’t want shit to change. I wasn’t sure if I’d, like, make you uncomfortable.” Isak saw everyone about to start protesting and held up a hand.

 

“I know, I know but the smallest thing can fuck with you for weeks. Like in 2014 Jonas’ 10 year old third cousin called his brother a faggot and I thought about it for years afterwards.”

 

Jonas immediately started apologising over and over.

 

“And that,” continued Isak. “Like, Jonas, you don’t need to apologise. I know you’re not homophobic. I know you support me and love me. It’s like I can feel you thinking all the time. I forgive you for all the stupid shit you did. I did some stupid shit too. Like, make gay jokes. I do it. Even does it. Magnus and Mahdi do! I’m giving you permission here and now and if something hurts me I promise I will _tell you_.”

 

Jonas looked taken aback.

 

“Fuck dude. I fucking love you.” he grinned.

 

“Ew, that’s gay,” grinned Isak. Jonas just rolled him over into the water.

 

On the walk back to where they had parked the cars Vilde said something regrettable, to say the least.

 

“So who’s the woman in your relationship?” The second she said it all the boys and all the girls jumped to Evak’s defence, spouting things Isak was sure they had read online.

 

Isak just turned to Even.

 

“I think we accidentally made them gay activists”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry but going back to school when you're clinically depressed takes a out out of you. i wasn't busy at all, i had time to write this and get it out faster, but i was exhausted all day everyday after doing nothing and i fucking hate it. imagine the amount of work i could've got done.


	5. Why Did He Say That?

**5\. Why Did He Say That?**

_ Tw: Homophobic slurs _

 

 

Elias took his editing very seriously. His YouTube channel was his main source of income. He tried his best to please his fans and stay true to himself (it’s more difficult than you’d think to do both at once), not to get sucked into the world of internet fame and become a, to put it nicely, pompous, obnoxious dickhead.

He hardly even thought about including the footage of Isak and Even being overly affectionate. He didn’t even stop to consider what could go wrong. He wouldn’t have thought about it anymore if it was Even and Sonja. He did not anticipate the reaction.

At first all the comments were variations of “is even gay??”, “lol gay faggit” and “sub4sub”. Then came the outpouring of love and support. The Hei Briskeby channel went from 1.2 million to 4.7 million in two and a half months, becoming the third most subscribed Norwegian YouTube channel. No one really knew what was happening.

But at the same time, nothing changed. The vlogs got more views, Isak got more likes on Instagram but nothing was different. He still went to school, he still called Jonas gay, he still called Magnus an idiot, Sana was still a sarcastic little shit. 

Isak’s day to day routine continued as usual. The channel didn’t belong to him, he had only made maybe five appearances. Only true stans recognised him and that was rare, once or twice a week. 

Isak’s DM’s just kept piling up and he was fine with that, but Even, Even just looked tired. 

Even used to be a part of the channel. His dramatic exit was well documented and once the channel started exploding, the rest of his life started to become well documented too. 

Even was wearing hoodies with the hood up and his hands in his pockets. Even was turning the volume in his headphones up too loud. Even was scrolling through hashtags that he knew he shouldn’t be scrolling through anymore. 

Even was getting angry easier and there were lines appearing on his face too fast for comfort. He had started blasting Lil Peep. Isak was distracted. He didn’t notice soon enough, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself as he climbed the stairs desperately with eight calls to Even’s phone and zero answers to show for it. 

He had started getting worried on the bus home. He’d realised Even had been in bed when he left for school yesterday and in bed when he got home. He assumed it was because he’d taken a nap after college but once he had a second to think, Even was still in his pajamas. He was in bed when Isak had left that morning as well. 

Isak was mad that he hadn’t noticed, but Even always made it clear that Isak wasn’t his babysitter. That’s why his relationship with Sonja had failed. He was Even’s boyfriend, not his carer. Even was mentally ill, not a child. 

Isak walked into their bedroom equipped with all the tools he had researched to help Even. He wouldn’t treat him like a child. He’d be firm and compassionate. He’d respect boundaries. 

Then he saw Even curled up under the blanket with his hood up and big headphones over his ears and all that went out the window. Even wasn’t a “high risk situation”, he was Even. All the positive reinforcement and person first terminology trickled out of his head and was replaced by love and sadness. 

“Hey,” he whispered towards the dark lump under the blankets. His ears strained for a response he didn’t expect.

“Hey,” Even’s breathy voice floated back through the murky room. Isak shuffled off his shoes and curled up on Even’s back. They just lay there, Even’s music barely audible, the curtains trapping them in the room filling with dark and quiet and Isak’s overflowing love.

The Lil Peep song cut off half way through and Even’s hoarse voice replaced it.

“You can’t fix me,” he whispered, eyes set dead on the wall in front of him.

Isak was quiet for a second.

“I don’t think you’re broken, you just need help sometimes. And I love you.” his voice, even though it was quiet, cut through the air. He didn’t love him despite, he didn’t love him because. He just loved him. The room felt warmer. One hour later Even let Isak open the curtains. One day later Even was back on his pills and now he played shitty pop music on a speaker for the neighbours to be annoyed at and for him and Isak to dance to.

Elias featured Even and Isak in his vlogs as often as they’d let him. People online had even given them a ship name, Evak. Hei Briskeby videos had a list of possible subtitles in so many different languages. People were even making edits from the tiny amount of footage available. 

Clips of Isak leaning against Even on the sofa, laughing about how they used to collect Moshi Monsters cards in the back of a vlog. Clips of Isak poking Even in the belly like a ninja whenever he let his guard down and Even’s surprised face. How he managed to still be surprised the 100th time, no one knew. The only downside was the other kids at school starting to notice Isak.

Isak didn’t want all the new attention. He wore his hood up going into school and kept his head down until he got to his friends. But the attention just kept building, he was a D List celebrity.

There was one day when he reached his friends when he didn’t get the regular teasing reaction concerning his newfound fame. He got worried looks from the boys and pitying glances from passersbys.

People looked like they wanted to come over and talk to him but Jonas’ glares seemed to put them off. 

“What?” laughed Isak nervously as he approached. All he got back as an answer was Jonas’ phone shoved into his hand with a “Sorry bro but there’s bad news.”

There was a newspage open. The headline read “Westboro baptist Church Plans To Return to Norway to Pickett Gay Teen Celebrity”

“Oh wow,” grinned Isak. His friends looked at him questioningly, as if he had gone mad.

“We can probably get them to stop. I mean you’re a minor and the public definitely favours you-” started Mahdi but Isak cut him off.

“No! No dude, let them come. If those guys are protesting me then I’m definitely doing something right. I mean, the Westboro Baptist Church fucking _protesting_ _me_?” Isak was positively glowing. 

He decided to move the conversation along before he could start overthinking and getting scared. “Anyway, what’s going on with this maths test?” The guys seemed to notice what he was trying to do and swiftly moved onto another conversation topic. 

The news spread around the school like wildfire. Isak could’t walk from one class to the next without being followed by whispers. Teachers offered to escort him from class to class or even excuse him from school the days leading up to the day of protest.

Isak just kept reassuring everyone he was doing better than fine. All the free press was boosting Hei Briskeby astronomically. Isak couldn’t even imagine what this would do for him in the future. Scholarships to any college anywhere. 

Even was worried for him at first, said they should come after him not Isak. Once Isak got him to understand how he saw it Even was almost jealous. 

When the big day was only three days away, the Westboro Baptists moved fast, Isak could hardly look at his phone without getting 10 calls from different international newspapers. 

Isak could remember the last time they came to Norway. It was after the 22nd of July attacks in 2011. 77 people died. Jonas second cousin was one of them and Even’s older brother’s friend’s 15 year old girlfriend was shot. The Westboro Baptists protested victims’ funerals. Isak wasn’t too worried about lining up with their moral code. 

They weren’t exactly the most popular people in Norway.

The day arrived eventually. The whole day passed at 300km per hour. Isak invited Elias to vlog it. He accepted happily. He couldn’t come and had to give the camera to a less than eager Sana though, too busy with running the channel. Even walked him to the school on the day of. 

Sana recorded it all. Even and Isak kept turning and joking with the camera. 

“This is Even. People think he’s my boyfriend but really we’re just roommates,” grinned Isak to the camera. “Even?”

“And we were  _ roommates _ ?!” laughed Even, faux shocked. Isak caught the reference and laughed with him. 

“Yeah, we’re just normal roommates who do normal roommate things. Right Even?”

“Yeah! Normal roommate things. We cook, we clean, we fu-”

“If you finish that sentence Elias won’t get monetized,” yelled Sana from behind the lens. 

“What? He was just going to say we fu...lly understand the entirety of every page of Animal Farm both symbolically and in the sense of the magnitude each page has in impacing modern society as a whole. Just innocent stuff like that,” Isak grinned.

“You better keep that in Eli. Makes me sound smart as hell.” Elias did keep it in. But he also kept in the next part.  “Don’t tell them I’m just quoting Jonas.” The jokes died off and were slowly replaced with the overwhelming noise that was building around them. 

They could hear all the people from streets away. There was a constant roar. Isak just didn’t know from who yet. 

They rounded the corner and were met with hundreds of people. Lots of them were holding up colourful signs, they were all yelling. It took Isak a while to even spot the church, over in the corner sectioned off. 

There were maybe 50 folks from the church and well over 1500 there in support of Isak. Isak blew them joking kisses while holding Even’s hand. Sana filmed it all.

Once they got in the gate Even had to leave. They didn’t kiss, Isak wasn’t quite brave enough for that yet. 

Once they were inside the school gates, Isak pulled Sana aside.

“Did you see?” he whispered. People kept coming up to him with congratulations, saying they sent their love.

“See what?” whispered Sana back. Isak took the camera from her and used its lens to zoom in on something.

“Look,” he pulled Sana over to see.The lens was zoomed in on two little girls. Both were holding signs by their sides. One sign said “Love is Love”. The girl holding that sign had rainbows painted on her cheeks. The other sign said “Burn in Hell!” The girl holding that sign had the words ‘God h8s Fags” painted on her cheek. They were playing some variant of Rock, Paper, Scissors. 

“Come on,” said Isak, frantically tugging Sana towards them. He ignored Sana’s questions. The angry protestors were distracted, screaming at each other. The two girls had wandered off away from their designated sections. 

“Hi,” smiled Isak when they got close enough. The two girls looked up.

“Do you guys know who I am?” he asked. Both girls shook their heads. “I’m the boy this whole thing is about. It because I have a boyfriend,”

The eyes of the girl with the writing on her cheek widened. 

“No, no don’t panic. I just wanted to tell you both that I think you’re real good at that game you’re playing. And I wanted you both to know that I love both. And I admire you. And I hope you all grow up to be as happy as I am when I'm with my boyfriend, his names Even. I hope that you’ll get what I'm trying to say when you’re a little older.”

The girls’ eyes narrowed. “We are old!” giggled the rainbow girl.

“Oh really? How old?” laughed Isak back. They both cried a giggly six. “Wow, you're right, that’s pretty old. I just wanted to let you both know that I have a boyfriend and I love him a whole lot, and that’s not a bad thing.”

Isak stood up. “That’s all. I hope you guys don’t get caught in any rain on the way home.” he started to walk away before Sana had even registered what was happening. She followed behind him after getting a shot of the girls going back to their game. 

The video wasn’t uploaded until the next day. Elias manage to edit eight hours of footage into half an hour of Isak laughing with his tongue out, the boy squad acting like teenagers, Isak making heart eyes at Even and teachers telling Isak that they’re proud of him.

The clip of Isak with the girls went mega-viral. People even made wholesome memes out of it. Isak and Even stayed in their apartment with the door closed and listened to their world go insane around them.

Elias had edited the footage of Isak with the young girls into a raw cinematic masterpiece. If they thought they were blowing up before this, the were so unprepared. They went from four million to thirteen million in less than a month. They were invited onto Norwegian day time tv, then late night talk shows, then the fucking Ellen Show.

The Hei Briskeby boys went to all the appearances. Elias went on Norwegian TV to plug his channel. He was hilarious and spoke for himself, not Isak and Even. All the boys went on the Ellen Show. Ellen gave them a vague outline of the questions a week before so Elias could F aceTime Isak and Even from America to make sure he wouldn’t answer anything about them wrong.

Isak tried to live like normal. He kept going to school and appeared in Elias’ vlogs if Elias was over at the apartment. They never purposely tried to be in the vlogs, they stayed honest. They never faked things for the camera and that made people love them. They demanded privacy when they wanted it and talked about the things they wanted to.

Most people there treated him the same. Sometimes people came up to him asking for photos but Even was the main star, not Isak. Once the Westboro stuff died down everything was pretty normal again. 

The worst that had happened since the Westboro Baptist Church was some guys yelling “Homo!” as he walked past but Isak barely even heard them.

Six Monday mornings after the channel hit 15 million Isak dragged himself out of Even’s arms and into school. He arrived to his friends spot, where the other three members of the boy squad already were, and didn’t even think to mention it.

“Yeah, she’s like, really smart. I don’t understand half the shit she talks about but she doesn’t act like I’m stupid or any bullshit. I think I really like her.” Mahdi was blushing when Isak walked up. He was talking about his girlfriend. 

“Oh my god,” Isak grinned while their heads turned to him. “You’re a pussy.” Jonas laughed while Mahdi started punching Isak’s arm.

“Says you, in a fucking married couple!” laughed Mahdi.

  
“What was that Even? One second guys, Even texted. Sorry can’t hang out, Even took three breaths less than his per minute average two hours ago so I’ve got to stay and make sure he doesn’t die.” Magnus mocked.

“Fuck off!” laughed Isak. Just as he was about to jump on Magnus’ back the school bell rang. Jonas left them for advanced mathematics while other three went to PE. Isak had always liked PE. They mostly just played soccer and dodgeball so he got to aim hard spheres at Magnus often enough, and what else could you really ask for from a class.

The class stampeded into the changing room, everyone rushing for the spots next to the radiator. Isak, Mahdi and Magnus had to settle for cold spots. 

“We’ll probably play dodgeball again,” growned Mahdi. Magnus raised his eyebrows.

“I doubt Isak minds playing with balls.” Magnus smirked like he had just told the best joke of his comedy career, which he probably had. 

“Fuck  _ off _ ,” laughed Isak. He started to get changed but just as he was about to pull off his shirt someone hit him in the shoulder for his attention, hard. He looked up glaring, expecting to see Magnus. Instead he was met with the boy who sat next to him in geography last year. Isak was too shocked to even respond.

“You can’t change here,” stated the boy flatly. He was tall and beefy and could probably snap Isak in half if they got in a fight. Isak didn’t really get scares often, but this was one of the times he did.

“Why?” Isak’s voice came out a lot weaker than he had wanted. Magnus and Mahdi noticed Isak dying and came to his aid.

“Hey, why can’t Isak change here,” said Magnus calmly, trying to defuse the situation, always the diplomat. 

“He’s a faggot and I don’t want him trying to look at my dick.” The response floored everyone in the changing room. Every single boy looked over, speechless. No one knew how to react. They lived in Norway, one of the most progressive countries on the world. They all knew Isak as Jonas’ friend, the one who got moody and was funny. He was just Isak. 

“Um, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t do that, like ever. I mean-” Isak started to stutter his way through a half explanation but Mahdi had punched the guy in the nose before Isak could finish. 

The guy staggered back.He raised his hand to his nose and saw it come away with blood. Then he flew directly at Isak.

A full on brawl broke out quickly. There was blood in Isak’s mouth and there were arms flying and Isak was on the ground and his head hurts and it’s too loud it’s too loud and the blood is going back his throat and its choking him and the kids in his class think he’s a faggot and he suddenly wants to go back to when nobody knew he liked boys, not even himself.

  
  


The next thing Isak knew he was sitting in the Principal’s office with blood staining his teeth and his knuckled matching Mahdi’s and Magnus’. They were all thinking about how confused Jonas would be when their lunch spot was empty. Magnus was grinning at Isak and Mahdi was looking at his feet. 

Isak was staring at the wall, thinking.

Eventually the principal came in. She already knew what had happened from the other boys and let them off with a warning, considering the stress of having an American hate group fly over to protest you and your boyfriend, she figured they deserved a free pass. 

Mahdi got a weeks detention for instigation and the other guy got suspended for hate speech and had the threat of being persecuted for a hate crime looming over him. 

Isak de cided to go home instead of staying in school and having to deal with everyone staring at him and his quickly forming black eye. He gave Mahdi and Magnus permission to tell Jonas everything and started his walk home to Even’s arms.

 

Even wasn’t home. He was at college learning about fucking film until 6pm. Whatever divine entity was out there really felt like fucking with Isak today. With nothing home to distract him for the next 7 hours, Isak started to really think about what had happened.

 

Not a lot of homophobic shit went on in Isak’s life. Sure, the Westboro Baptist Church protested... him? It was difficult to tell what they were actually protesting against through all the yelling. And, sure, there were comments under the Hei Briskeby videos he cameod in have with the word faagggt in them a lot, but nothing had really affected him so far. They were all faceless usernames and senseless bigots.

 

But that guy, he went to the same school as Isak. He’d known Isak for over a year. He was in his maths class. Isak could ignore the YouTube comments and strangers in the street but it wasn’t a lot harder to ignore a big, muscly guy getting in your face about you looking at his dick. 

 

Isak resolved to stay in bed until someone dragged him out. His resolve was broken fairly quickly when he went to the kitchen for an orange. 

 

When he got back to the bedroom be pulled the blinds shut and and put on pajamas. He wrapped himself in his duvet and closed his eyes. For a while Isak just soaked in his own sadness and self-pity. 

 

Isak was too spaced out to hear the knocks on his door or the spare key he gave Jonas turning in the lock. Before he knew it his blinds were being opened and the boy squad was sitting down on his bed with a kebab wrapped in tinfoil. 

 

Isak wasn't even shocked. He just started to look around and try to become present. 

 

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up. Magnus took a picture on his phone and started typing. Isak looked at him but he just looked back. It took Isak a while to remember how his mouth worked. 

 

“Mmmm,” he hummed. Magnus understood. 

 

“It's for Even. I’m telling him what happened.”

 

“No, don’t,” yawned Isak. “He’ll just worry for me all day.” 

 

“Too late,” smiled Magnus as he sent it to Even. Even sent back a heart eye emoji at Isak’s bedhead. The black eye wasn't noticeable because of Isak’s hand blocking it, wiping away sleep. 

 

“Fine. But you're telling him, not me,” conceded Isak, stretching. Magnus nodded and left the room to phone Even. 

 

Isak sank back down into his bed and covered his eyes with his pillow. Jonas started poking at his legs and that was it for Isak. Just the feeling of another person’s hands on him set him off. All the feelings he had been keeping in since that morning came out.

This wasn't what he needed right now. Normally if something went wrong this would be perfect but this time it was different. He didn't want Even to know and he wasn't hungry and his eye hurt and Jonas kept poking at bruises and it was all too much. 

 

Isak started to cry. It was rare. Jonas, Even, Eskild, his Granny, his dad and his mam were the only people to ever see Isak cry. No one in the room had any idea what to do. That just made it worse for Isak. He started really crying. Not anguished but very noticeable. 

 

Jonas and Mahdi were just standing. Joan's wasn't used to kebabs and playful poking not working. Magnus walked back in, putting his phone in his pocket. 

 

“So I called Even. He wanted to come home right away but I managed to convince him that we could take good care of you- oh my god, what happened?” Magnus noticed Isak’s tears. Isaks breathing got tighter and shorter. Magnus jumped into action. 

 

He kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his coat. Then he got in the bed next to Isak. 

 

“Isak, you're okay. This isn't a panic attack, don't worry. You just need to let it out.” Isak put his head on Magnus’ shoulder and started crying even harder. Jonas and Mahdi were still just standing in the doorway. Magnus used the hand that wasn't running circles on Isak's shaking back to beckon them over. 

 

He sent Mahdi to get a plate for the the kebab and Jonas to get a glass of water. Isak became a snivelling mess on Magnus’ shoulder. 

 

“Let it out Isak.” 

 

Jonas and Mahdi hurried. When they got back Isak was a little bit more composed. There were still tears but now Isak could actually talk. 

 

“Fuck guys, sorry for being such a fucking pussy,” he sniffled. 

 

“Hey don't talk bad about yourself like that,” interjected Magnus. 

 

“Fuck off with that now Magnus,” laughed Isak. Everyone cheered Jonas and Mahdi laughrf.  

 

“He's back!” grinned Magnus. Isak gulped down the water and ate his kebab. Once he finished he told them to ask their questions. Better to get it out in the open. 

 

Jonas told him he was scared. Normally Isak could take anything. 

 

“I just don't get it dude. People call you vile shit online all the time and you don't blink twice. What was different about this?”

 

“Yeah man. But all the shit online is strangers. This was a guy I know. He knew the kind of person I was. He let me borrow his pens. And he still thought there was something wrong with me.” 

 

“There's nothing wrong with you,” said Mahdi quietly. Isak just nodded. 

 

Mahdi told him he was sorry.

 

“I shouldn’t have gotten so mad so fast but goddamn Isak, you put up with too much shit and that guy really crossed the line.” Mahdi looked at Isak and Isak smiled back at him.

 

When Even arrived home they were on the couch playing Fifa. He rushed right into Isak’s arms and started doting over him.

 

“How the fuck are you always getting into trouble Isak,” he half whispered into his hair. The boys took this as their cue to leave. 

 

As they left the apartment Jonas asked Magnus how he was so calm, and how he was so sure of what he was doing when Isak was having his breakdown. 

 

“Oh I had no fucking clue what I was doing, but no one else was doing shit so I just figured someone had to pretend they knew how to act.”

 

Jonas really did underestimate Magnus sometimes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao sorry but did ye really think a lack of dopamine woud kill me? nah man, just keep me unmotivated for a couple months. next chpter will be here by monday or 2019. idk which one and neither do any of you  
> i hope we all appreciate the fact that i was listening to troye sivan in the final stretch of editting this  
> skam italia got me inspired ya know  
> please comment  
> i just finished my chrizzmess exams yum and in maths i didnt knwo somw of the answers so i wrote down yee haw
> 
> just so you all know how shitty editting is: the chapters have worse grammer and spelling in them than this footnote before i edit
> 
> please comment


	6. I Know Why

 

**6: I Know Why**

 

The weather got worse before it got better. Snow came and destroyed Isak’s favourite gloves. Even didn’t leave his bed for nearly a week during January because of how little sunlight there was. Jonas’s sister won an art competition in school with a portrait of him, but instead of skin he was draw with a patchwork quilt stretched thin over his bones.

 

Magnus’s mother stayed in bed the same week as Even. Jonas somehow lost his yellow hat and when he complained about it too Isak he seemed more upset than expected.

 

“Not the coming out hat!” Jonas was taken aback 

 

“I never, Isak I’ve never come out.” Isak and the guys didn't let him live that down for weeks. 

 

But the long winter came to an end. The daffodils came back up, school struggled on. Isak, however, seemed to be struggling less. After his school drama came to a climax in the dressing room everything died down and he started blending in again. People still stared because of how high profile his last three months were but anyone he actually knew nearly forgot about it.

 

Once February was in full swing the boys hung out nearly everyday at Jonas’s house. It was the only place that was really available, as they had learned at the start of their friendships.

 

Mahdi’s house was always busy and bustling. He had seven siblings ranging from ages 24 to 6 and a half. Mahdi was near the middle, third oldest. They could hardly hear themselves think there and didn’t have space to move their elbows. The first time they tried to chill there they ended up having a tea party with Mahdi’s eight year old sister. It lead to a frightening discussion with Even about kids that was discussed extensively then dissected word for word in the group chat. 

 

Magnus’s house, on the other hand, always had to be quiet. It was just him and his parents. His mam was a nurse who worked the graveyard shift and his dad worked a nine to five job in the office. Any tiny noise was amplified by the silence surrounding them. The only time they’d tried hanging out there Even had come. The conversation had gotten to embarrassing Isak. Between Even and Jonas there was enough to have Mahdi and Magnus laugh hard enough to wake up the whole neighborhood, nevermind Magnus’s mam. 

 

Even and Isak’s apartment was impossible as well. It was too small for five growing boys to be kept in for over two hours. Plus, the first time the boys had come over they hadn’t knocked and walked into Isak and Even bedroom while they were in a very  _ compromising  _ position. God, let that be erased from Jonas’s memory. Now he knew how Isak felt up in the lake house the time he walked in on him and Eva.

 

So most of the time they met up at Jonas’s. Both his parents were at work and most of the time his sister was a friend's house. And if she wasn’t, his friends liked her well enough to let her sit in on their conversations. She had lots of questions for Isak, some let to very very awkward discussions. 

 

Jonas’s personal top three were:

(a) the time she asked what Isak’s parents thought of him being gay. That lead to a very tense afternoon. Isak tried his best to answer nicely (they both still love me but I haven't lived with them since I was 15 because they're not the best at being parents)

 

(b) the time she asked what it was like being gay. He tried his best with that one too (it's cool. It means I get to go out with Even which is really good. But it's also a bit bad because it meant I didn't like myself at all for a really long time)

 

And (c,) the time she asked what even was like. This one wasn't very awkward, per say, but Jonas kept it in the official top three ranking because if you ever bring it up around Isak he gets very awkward. He had done his very best to do Even justice in his description and, somehow, Mahdi managed to video it. So now Mahdi had a video of Isak talking about how much he loved Even and why for twenty minutes to a thirteen year old girl. 

 

They were lounging on Jonas’s couch one Saturday. The house was empty except for Jonas, Magnus, Mahdi and Isak. Netflix was playing an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine they had all seen in the background. No one was paying attention to anything going on around them. 

 

“This is boring,” groaned Mahdi. Jonas lifted his head from the pillow it was resting on.

 

“No shit Sherlock, what else is there to do?” Jonas looked over at Isak, who was scrolling through his Instagram.

 

“Where’s Even?” he called across the room. Isak looked up from his phone.

 

“I think he’s still with his friends.” Even had been reinstated as a full Hei Briksbey member recently and that meant taking on his fair share of the editing. They made really high quality content, which meant a lot of editing. Just the other day they had been talking about where the channel could go from there. Mikeal suggested an office space, Yousef suggested a charity event. Even made sure all the videos were fully captioned in Norwegian, English and Spanish at their time of release for accessibility.

 

“Aren’t we his friends?” cried Magnus, indigent. Isak looked up straight faced.

 

“With his other friends then Maggie.”

 

“Damn straight,” muttered Magnus into his pillow, with a small smile.

 

“Guys, we need to do something, get our blood flowing. Let’s go to the park, bring a soccer ball!” Jonas jumped up and started rallying the other half hearted boys. Soon they were all pulling on their shoes, but Isak still didn’t seem to be fully on board.

 

“Isak, what’s wrong?” asked Magnus. The other boys stopped to hear the answer.

 

“Just what Jonas said about wanting to get our blood flowing. Even and his friends must’ve been sitting for ages now, it’s bad for their backs.” Isak looked sadly of into the distance, as dramatic as ever.

 

“Christ sake Isak, if you wanted to invite them you could’ve just asked,” grinned Jonas. Isak grinned back and pulled out his phone. He dialed Even’s number, put it down and turned out it on speaker mode while the boys sat down around the table to hear. Jonas shared a look with Isak.

 

“If you say something fucking stupid I'll buy you a kebab on Monday”. That was all the convincing Isak needed. 

 

Even picked up fairly quickly. 

 

“Hey Isak. Quick warning, you’re on speaker mode right now and all the boys can hear you.”

 

Isak looked around at the boys and grinned his ‘up to no good’ grin.

 

“Damn babe, I was going to start talking about how bad I want you to fuck me.” The reaction was immediate. All the boys on Isak’s side of the line tried their very best to hold in their laughter. From Even it was an immediate “Isak, no!” and roaring laughter from the boys.

 

“I need you inside me baby,” moaned Isak.

 

“Isak!” yelled Even, scandalised at how out of character this was.

 

“What? Would you rather it be me inside you?” smired Isak. The reaction somehow got even louder. He could hear Elias howling.

 

“Isak! I swear I’m hanging up now,” threatened Even. Isak laughed.

 

“Okay, I’ll stop, but Jonas now owes me a kebab that I'll gladly donate to you Even. Hey guys!” Isak called out to the boys and got some scattered hellos back within in the laughter. “How long have you all been sitting because me and the guys are going to play a game of soccer in the park and we want you to come.”

 

“Might not come now because of how fuming I am at you,” Even said, but Isak could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Okay so see you in twenty minutes?” he laughed. Even asked the boys and got an overwhelming consensus of yeses.

  
  
  


Fifteen minutes later the boy squad was in the park, underneath their tree, still laughing about how Isak started that phone call. Within minutes Even and the others were coming around the corner. Isak hopped up and ran over. He leaped into Even’s arms, but Even did not expect that, so instead of a picture perfect scene of Isak leaping gracefully into his arms they got a mess of limbs and loud, off balance laughter. Somehow, it seemed better like that.

 

Jonas couldn’t help but compare the scene to him and Eva. He didn’t know if they ever had things as joyful and honest as this. He was happy for Isak though. He couldn’t imagine Isak from a year ago running to make a balls of a jump into another man’s arms, and still be happy about it. It made Jonas happy to think about. 

 

After hellos and jokes were exchanged they got down to business. In no time they had the soccer teams sorted out and were taking of their jumpers to use as goal posts. 

 

It was Boy Squad vs Balloon Squad. Elias joined the Boy Squad to even out the numbers. Even had offered but everyone agreed it would be funnier to put Isak and Even against each other. The game started with Isak and Elias in midfield, as they were the fastest and Jonas in backs because he was strongest. It gave him a great vantage point of the game.

 

The game started off half serious but quickly developed into shits and giggles. Everyone forgot to keep score. Isak decided to move himself into backs when he got bored of midfield. He was fucking around with Jonas when the ball came to him. Half the balloon squad started running towards him full pelt. 

 

“Watch this,” grinned Isak to Jonas. Once he got the ball to his feet he sprinted the side of pitch until he was in position to shoot at the goals, the ones Even was meant to be defending. He’d weaved his way through the other players, cementing his spot yet again as the best  player of the group. None of Even’s team saw it coming. 

 

Magnus and Mahdi had played with Isak before, but even still he rarely tried very hard. Jonas was the only one who really knew how good Isak could be. He was the one who had kept up soccer until he was 15 just so Isak would have a lift to trainings and matches.

 

Isak had stopped professional soccer two years ago, despite his talent at it. It was a mix of the difficulty finding ways to get there after Jonas stopped to focus on school and relationships and the homophobia surrounding the sport that made him quit. Everytime he got on the pitch he felt like he was pretending to be something he wasn't.

 

He had never talked about that with Even, it just never came up. 

 

Once Isak had gotten near the opposing team's goals there was only Even between him and Adam, the goalie. Isak stopped and smirked.

 

Elias recognized this as the perfect opportunity to take out his phone and start recording.

 

Even had never played soccer seriously a day in his life. Isak gestured for him to come closer, taunting him. Even looked around to make sure no one outside their group could see, and sprinted towards Isak. 

 

He didn’t even fake going for the ball. He just tackled Isak full on. He spared a thought on not hurting him, but his main focus was a god like tackle.

 

And it worked wonders. He wiped Isak completely of his feet. They were both on the ground half laughing, half calling for the ref (even though there was none) in seconds.

 

“Ref! Ref! Did you see that? Are you blind” shrieked Isak, in stitches. “Jonas! Jonas, did you see that?” he cried, appalled at the conduct.

 

Jonnas was laughing too hard to respond.

 

“The outright homophobia in this sport!” sighed Isak loudly before collapsing onto his back, a hand to his forehead like a damsel in distress.

 

“Homophobia?” yelled Even. “This isn’t homophobia! It’s ableism! If any of you try to foul me for that it’s ableism, because i just couldn’t control my impulses!”

 

Isak looked around gobsmacked “Are you all  _ hearing _ this?”

 

“I'm  _ bipolar  _ Isak! Accept me!” Even tried to be fake serious but he couldn't stop the giggles from giving him away. 

 

Soon, everyone was sat under the tree, discussing the day so far and eating fruit Mikeal had bought for them on the way over. Trust Mikeal to buy a group of teenage boys fruit.

 

The conversation was easy to keep, everyone felt comfortable around each other.

Isak asked how the editing was going, only to be met with loud groans.

 

Mutta asked how the final year at Nissen was going, only to be met with even louder groans.

 

“Okay, maybe a better question is what do you think you’ll be doing after Nissen?” he laughed.

 

Magnus started with his aspirations of therapy and they went around the group asking all four of the younger boys what they wanted to be. Jonas noticed that everyone seemed to have answers ready except him. Isak said something to do with science, Mahdi mentioned his dream of becoming an illustrator for children’s books. When it got to Jonas he was quiet.

 

“Maybe, something to do with government. I don’t know though. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

 

“We’re getting fairly close Jonas,” smirked Isak. Jonas flicked his cheek and groaned.

  
“Fuck off.” Everyone laughed.

 

“Speaking of fucking,” started Adam, catching everyone’s attention, “What was that phone call Isak.”

 

“Yeah?” cried Even. Everyone was in stitches again within seconds.

 

“It was a joke, it was a joke,” wheezed the boys. Mikeal started to quote the call.

 

“What? Do you want me inside of  _ you _ ?” he imitated Isak’s voice so well the boys roared. Even had gone red to the tips of his hair. He covered his face with his hands goodnaturedly. 

 

“What was the other thing you said? Oh yeah ‘I want you  _ inside of me  _ Even’” Elias even managed to get Isak’s fake lust perfect. It brought everyone to another laughing fit.

  
  
  


Once they had all calmed down and were just lounging on the grass, cooling down, Magnus got one of his looks. Jonas could see the elves in his brain getting to work behind his eyes, but this wasn’t his normal provocative, good natured look, it seemed to be an actual look of curiosity.

 

“Guys, I really don’t mean to be rude at all,” he started, addressing the mellowed out Balloon Squad, “but you’re all muslim right?” They nodded at him. “So how can you laugh at jokes like that?” The immediate result was a chorus of groans from everyone.

 

“I really don’t mean to be rude!” Magnus continued immediately but Elias cut him off. 

 

“We know, we know. Will I take this one boys?” the Balloon Squad nodded and Elias sat up.

 

“You really don’t have to though,” sighed Even. Isak crawled away from Jonas to lay his head on Even’s stomach.

 

“Like, at all,” agreed Isak. Everyone looked over at the to make sure they were okay with this discussion. Even felt the eyes on them and nodded his head with his eyes closed, to say go on.

 

Elias explained in depth his beliefs, it was easy for him at this point because of how often they were questioned. The Qur’an teaches love, peace and tolerance and they’re the beliefs they chose to follow. At the end of it all he asks if Magnus had any questions.

 

“So do you think Isak and Even are sinners?” he asked. Sometimes Magnus was really smart, other times he was just a fucking fool.

 

“I think we’re all sinners,” Elias answered patiently. Magnus still looked confused.

.

“But do you think they’re worse sinners specifically because they’re gay?” he asked. Elias and all the other boys paused. No one had ever asked that specific question before.

 

“Honestly,” Elias began. Even was listening to hear what his friend thought of him so intensely he thought his ear drums might burst, but on the outside he looked the same as he had the last five minutes. Only Isak could hear his heart hammering in his chest. He reached down and squeezed Even’s hand tight.

 

“Honestly, no. I don’t believe every single thing the Qur’an says. I believe where it preaches equality, love and acceptance.” The others vocalised their agreement.

 

Even sat up. “Thanks you fuckin losers,” he grinned. The balloon squad went over to punch his arm, push his shoulder and call him an idiot, the universal code for teenage friendship.

  
  


Once the grass was getting too cold, the sky was getting too dark and the heat from the soccer match was leaving their bones they all got up to leave. On the way to the gates of the park Isak spotted another group of boys, and some girls, their age playing soccer.

 

“Guys, should we ask to join their game for five minutes just to warm us up for the walk home?” Isak suggested. Some of the boys were too tired to play and some were just bored of all the soccer but they agreed it was a good idea and said they’d wait. Mutta, Jonas and Isak ended up being the only ones who wanted to join in, the others said they’d just spectate.

 

“Hey lads!” called Isak as they approached the group of eleven. “We see you’ve an uneven number. Do you want help fixing that?” One of the midfielders, the one who appeared to be the leader, looked at his face closely. 

 

“Do I know you?” he called. Isak shook his head. The leaded shrugged his shoulders and gestured for them to come over.

 

When they joined, one team had five and the other had six. Mutta and Jonas joined the six to make it eight while Isak joined the five to make it six. 

 

Isak’s team protested, they were two players down. Isak told them to trust him, just give him ten minutes in midfield with them passing to him. The team begrudgingly agreed. Isak waved over to Even to set the ten minute timer.

 

Once the game got going, it became obvious why they did what they did. Isak was trying seriously now, not just having fun with his friends.He was like lightning on his feet, scoring a hat trick within the first six minutes.

 

He didn’t look for glory either, he had four assists within seven minutes.Jonas and Mutta weren’t doing too badly either, a goal each to their names, but there was no match for Isak. All those years he rathered being in the park having a kick around with the older boys than at home listening to the screaming paid off. The score at eight minutes was 3-10 to Isak’s team. The other team was starting to get agitated.

 

When Even’s timer started ringing they were just about to kick off again after another goal was scored.

 

“We’ll just finish this one, okay guys?” Isak looked around at the team and saw nodding heads and determined faces back. They kicked off.

 

One minute later a goal was scored, another for Isak’s team. Isak let himself celebrate this time, seeing as the game was over. He ran over and tried to jump into Even’s arms again. They were both tired so it somehow went worse than the earlier attempt, with them ending up in a giggling heap on the floor.

 

Isak got up to shake hands with the other group’s leader before leaving. He walked over to the stony faced young man.

 

“Great match,” he grinned. “Thanks for letting us join in.” All the other people were starting to pull on their coats at the other side of the makeshift pitch.

 

“You too,” he replied monotone, holding out his hand to shake. Isak took it and he closed his hand like a piranha fish. “That shit you were doing with that tall guy didn’t look very sportsmanlike though,” he growled, crushing Isa k’s hand. 

 

“What? Who? What did I do?” Isak said, but the other boy just squeezed his hand harder, until Isak was sure he was trying to break his fingers.

 

“Look man, I’m just here for the soccer,” Isak was starting to get scared.

 

“Soccer is no place for faggots like you.”

 

Jonas looked over a second too late. He shoved Elias and grabbed Even a second too late they started running to the other goals a second too late. The other guys fist was already clenched when Jonas saw it. It was raised when Even looked over. Isak was trying to pull his hand out of the other guy’s metal grip to run away when Elias started running over. By the time everyone had noticed what was going on the other guy’s fist was already colliding with Isak’s face.

 

Even was there first, throwing his entire body weight at the guy to try and dislodge him from the spot on top of Isak he was pummeling him from. Even was punching at the guy’s ribs, giving it his all but he was just so big. Eventually he landed a right hook to the guy’s face that knocked his off balance, but they were the longest ten seconds of Even’s life.

 

Once he was off Isak Even tried to charge at him, but Mikael was between them before Even could lay a finger on him.

The guy only landed three bad hits, one to the ribs, one to the nose and one to the mouth, but at that point no one knew that. All they knew was that Isak was bleeding alot and groaning and Even looked like he might start crying or kill a man, both realistic options eeing as the guy who did this to Isak was stillin Even's sight. Yousef was the only one who knew what to do. He jumped straight into action. Later, when asked how he knew so fast what to do he would reveal that Sana had once told him she was scared of being attacked in public, so he learnt first aid the next week, just in case.

 

"Even," called out a groaning Isak. Even was on the ground next to him in seconds frantically asking what he needed.

 

"Take a picture," smiled Isak, bloody and bruised.

 

"What?" laughed Even, at the obscurity of it.

 

"I didn't get a picture last time, when Elias punched me," Elias apologised awkwardly from where he was standing between the attacker and Jonas, Isak, Even and Yousef on the ground. "Imagine how badass it would make me look," grinned Isak. Even could see a tooth missing, but he took the picture of Isak, illuinated in the dark, covered in his own blood and grinning like it was the best day of his life.

 

Isak lay back down once it was taken, groaning again.

 

“Serves you right, you fucking queer,” sneered the attacker. 

In an instant went back to the chaos it had been before.

Jonas was on his feet first, all his blood turned to fire inside his veins. He was starting towards the man before Magnus put himself between them. "It’s not worth it,” he kept repeating but Jonas couldn't hear him over the roaring in his skull, becasue this was his  _best friend_ , this was his  _brother_ and this an had no fucking clue what Isak had been through. He wasn't there for the tears and the blood and the hunger, god the  _hunger._ He wasn't there when Isak had said he was "maybe just a little bit" gay. He didn't see the fear or the self loathing and this fucking  _stranger_   did not get to have that power over Isak.

Magnus was making sure Jonas didn't incrminate himself but it would've taken ten Magnuses to even slow the storm that was Even Bech Næsheim in that moment.

 

Even's friends had never seen him like this. He looked terrifying. Even stood up, 100% prepared to go to jail for killing a man in that moment. He started towards him with his fists raising when he felt a weight on his arm. Isak was staggering to his feet.

“Even don’t do any stupid shit,” he coughed. Blood came out of his mouth. It only made Even angrier. He pulled his arm away from Isak, causing him to fall back to the ground with a grunt. Even approached the man whose name they still didn’t even know and reached for him but Mikael, thank God for Mikael, was tugging Even back to Isak whisering "He needs you right now," over and over again.

The guy’s friends had sprinted over, finally, not having seen what was happening because of how fast the light was leaving.

“What the fuck?” one of them yelled, as they ran over.

 

“Your friend crushed his hand, called him a faggot, then beat him up.” The friend looked shell shocked. As her friends started to arrive she explained. 

“Tommy attacked this kid for being gay,” she started.

“What’s his name?” one of them called.

“Isak, Isak Valtersen.” Jonas replied.

The next few seconds happened in slow motion for Jonas. He saw the realisation come over their faces.

“Oh my god!” one of them shrieked. “I absolutely  _ love _ you! You and Even are really just my baby boys!" she exclaimed.  One of the other girls recognised him too. 

 

"Oh my fucking god! Is it really you? I love you and Even together. You’re so hot together, I bet you do really dirty stuff.”

 

"Oh my god! Who's the bottom?" That was it for Isak.

 

"Are you joking?" he coughed, blood dripping down his chin. "Are you actually fucking joking right now?"

Jonas rarely saw Isak get genuinely angry. Magnus and Mahdi had seen him angry once, after he saw Sonja and Even making out, but that was the only time in years. When they were younger Isak would get angry all the time, because of the stress in his home life. He’d scream and throw fits and claw at his own six year old skin until he bled. Jonas only got to witness seven or eight incidents but he knew Isak used to do it a lot at home. The difference is no one would come to help him at his own house. It was terrifying to witness.

Isak struggled to his feet again and started to limp away as fast as he could. The boys took a minute to tell ‘Tommy’ that if he ever set foot within a fifteen km radius of any of them he’d have hell to pay. Then they started after Isak.

By the time they caught up with him he was out of the park and on the footpath, hobbling his way in the direction of his and Even’s apartment.

Jonas caught up to him while the others came up behind them, staying behind Jonas. Jonas knew Isak better than anyone. Even better than Even. Even knew the best version of Isak, because when Isak was around him, he was the best version of himself. 

Jonas had witnessed years of tantrums and forgotten birthdays and tears and blood. 

Jonas reached out and grabbed Isak’s shoulder.

Isak whipped around. There was a fire in his eyes Jonas hadn’t seen in years. The bad kind of fire. 

“Do not fucking touch me right now Jonas,” he breathed. Everyone was dead still, quiet enough to hear him. Jonas realised that he couldn't fix this.

“Isak, let us help you,” Jonas started. That was the wrong thing to say. But, looking back, maybe there was no right thing to say.

“You can’t fucking  _ help  _ me Jonas!” Isak laughed. “Don’t you fucking get that. You with your huge brain. Can you not  _ squeeze _ this one last piece of knowledge in?” Isak yelled. Jonas didn’t know what to do. “You can’t help me Jonas. This is my fucking  _ life  _ now!” Isak tried to take a deep breath but all it did was hurt his lungs and make him sound like a dying animal. 

“It’s not  _ fucking fair _ ,” Isak’s voice broke and you could see his tears in what was left of the light. “Everytime I leave the house with Even, _ every fucking time _ , our relationship stops being  _ ours.  _ Once we leave the apartment they act like we belong to them, like I’m some kind of fucking freak show for them to gawk at and fawn over, like I’m  _ abnormal”  _ Isak’s voice cracked even worse on the word ’abnormal’. Even was starting to panic. He was digging his nails so hard into his palms they were staring to draw blood.

“Do you want to know why I quit soccer?” Isak asked, now talking to everyone, not just Jonas. No one moved a muscle. “It’s because I called people faggots when I was on that pitch. That wasn’t even the worst of it. I said every world in the book. I called anyone we went against flamers, poofs, pedos and I meant it. Because that’s how I saw myself.” Isak paused to breath.

“Isak,” tried Jonas. He could see the clotted blood on Isak’s face tearing and new blood spilling from his nose and mouth. Jonas just wanted to help.

“No! No, you don’t get to  _ do  _ that Jonas! You don’t get to be the perfect best friend who knows exactly how to calm me down. Because you said the same things! You said the _ same fucking things _ and worse on that pitch and you don’t even fucking  _ remember _ ! You get to forget, you get to just forget!”

Jonas was frozen. It was like a slap in the face He had forgotten. It had been years and years since he used those words. Isak was right. He got to forget.

“These strangers think they own me! They think they’re the authority, like I exist to please them, like me and him aren’t real” Isak cried pointing to Even, who was stood stock still with the others.

“I couldn’t give a fuck about the people who throw things, or spit or try to beat me up for running towards my boyfriend. It’s the people who think they own me. And none of you could ever, ever understand that, not even you Even.” Isak sat down on the footpath.

 

“Isak, you’ve torn your face worse.” Jonas looked around to see who had said that. Magnus was walking slowly towards Isak. “Come on. We’re all going back to Jonas’s for a sleepover.” Magnus turned to the rest of them “All of us, it's been a long day".

 

 

It was two hours later. Magnus and Yousef had worked together to fix up Isak’s face. Jonas found Pajamas and sleeping bags for everyone to sleep in the sitting room together. His parents and sister wouldn't be back until tomorrow. 

Everything had finally calmed down and it was time to talk. It was like Isak had read his mind. He shook his head and instead held a vote for which movie to watch.

Half way through Shrek Forever After (2010) Isak paused the film, took his head off Even’s lap and asked if anyone had anything to say or ask.

“About Shrek? I think it’s fairly straight forward babe,” smiled Even, with his arm around Isak.

“Ha. Hilarious as ever Even,” deadpanned Isak. 

“Ha! And by your own boyfriend!” cried Mikael from the floor.

“At least I have a boyfriend,” retorted Even.

“No, guys I’m talking about my, um, outburst,” blushed Isak.

“Are we all good?” asked Elias quietly. Isak nodded vigorously. “Well that’s that then.”

“The one time we all hang out in public together we get Isak beaten up,” laughed Magnus. 

 

"We should do it more often then," smirked Isak. Even leaned over to kiss him, on the mouth, because this space was safe.

“We all really fucking love you Isak,” frownded Jonas. “You know that right?” Isak just smiled and that hurt Jonas’s heart.

Normally Jonas would just let that go, but that night felt different.

“No, Isak I mean it. I love you. You’re like a brother to me. And a lot of your life so far has been complete shit, and that's not you fault. You didn’t deserve the family you got.”

Isak looked around him, at the teenage boys who tried to be kinder for him, and thought of the Girl Squad at school, and how they were all just trying their best to live day by day, minute by minute.

 

“But I like the family I have rightnow," he smiled bashfully. And he meant it. Everyone in the room understood what he had just said down to their bones.

“That shit's gay issy." said Even before he started to kiss him again, gently to avoid hurting his bust lips.

“Fuck off," Isak laughed into his mouth. And despite the mess of a night they'd had, and despite the fact that he was a tooth down and kissing Even hurt, Isak realised he wouldn't trade what he had for anything on the earth. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this has been a fucking roller coaster. thank you so so so so so much for reading this far. i haven't slept for thirty two hours becuase i just felt in my bones i needed to finish this. normally i write long fics like this to get it out of mysystem and then move on, but i dont think ill be moving on from skam
> 
> please comment i do not care about anything else just please please please comment it makes these feel real
> 
> 32 without sleep  
> i wrote most of this at 5 am   
> hit me up on any of these to say hello. please. this isnt just a gneric thing i want to hear from you!  
> Insta: aoifeww  
> Twitter: aoifeimray  
> Tumblr: anotheraoife.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> My Tumblr: AnotherAoife.tumblr.com
> 
>    
> I posted this on Marsha P. Johnson's birthday. rest in power  
> oh my god why is this note so professional. wow. im so put together. well no im not but you can't tell from these end notes.


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